1. After what went down last Friday, there is only one way to start this NitPicks and it is obvious enough that I’m not even going to bother with an intro before jumping right into it, and that is RYPIEN MANIA BABY!!!! That’s right, it’s overreaction time baby. The BYU debacle feels like it was a million years ago at this point, after the Broncos rolled into Charlottetown and PUT. IT. ON. The Cavs, baby.
Listen, in all seriousness, I think it is completely fair to get legitimately fired up about Brett Rypien at this point. He has done more or less everything right since he first came in to start the second half of the Idaho State game, and he was LIGHTS OUT against nd ACC opponent in the rain, on the road. What does that mean? Well I don’t want to overreact, but screw it, LET’S OVERREACT BABY! THE GLORY DAYS ARE BACK, JACK. Seriously though at this point the only question is how many National Championships Boise State wins with Rypien, right? Does he go first overall in four years? It is too early to say, but definitely yes.
2. This spot (number 2), will be used only as a short reminder that Johnny Manziel should be, nay, must be reinstated as the Cleveland Browns’ starting quarterback. #FreeJohnny Henceforth item 2 will be used as such until such time as Mike Pettine pulls his head out of his anal cavity and restores Johnny to the starting role that America demands he occupy.
3. Number 3 here is for Brandon Weeden. As in, with Brandon Weeden as the starting quarterback the Cowboys are definitely screwed, right? Look I know it’s a little unfair. Dez is out as well, and the defense played awful, and was probably more to blame than 3 was for the loss to Atlanta, but the Cowboys just don’t’ look like a team that can go anywhere with him under center 21 in a row aside. It looks like he is going to get at least one more start though, with Cassel still learning the playbook and questionable to even be active 10 days into his stint with the Cowboys.
With the NFC East looking like a joke, 3 or 4 wins between now and the time that Romo returns (assuming that is around week 9 or 10), they could still be not just alive, but the favorites to take home the division. That would be fine, but personally I would rather go 6/7-0 in the time until number 9 is back, and I think I know the only way that the Cowboys can do that:
That sound you heard? That is the rest of the NFC running for the hills at the thought of Moore slingin’ it for the Boys. If only.
4. I’m gonna keep going with the ‘themed numbers’ uh…theme, I guess here, and give you my final FOUR through week FOUR in the number FOUR spot (nailed it).
My four are:
…just kidding I have zero idea.
Gun to my head I would go:
- Ohio State
- Ole Miss
- Utah
- Notre Dame
That’s if the season ended today. I am not in the business of making predictions though. Not htis year anyways. It’s wide open.
5. I wanted to resist it, and I did for as long as I could, but I am coming around to the idea that the Patriots really are on a ‘EFF YOU We Are Going To Murder Everyone Tour’ this year. Belichick has shown no aversion to throwing bombs up big in the fourth or throw haymakers in the postgame presser. It is a good year to have Touchdown Tawmmy Brady on your fake football team because he is going to be throwing bombs in the fourth quarter every game this year. The Pats are pissed off, and they are good enough to take it out on the league, so watch out. They are going to play a few games that get UGLY. The Jags game last weekend was just the start.
6. Shoutout to Dylan Cheverere over at PostGradProblems for this.’Tell Me About Your Fantasy Team’ column.
This is something that has become so incredibly mainstream along with the proliferation of fantasy: people thinking that you want to hear about their fantasy team, and people being annoyed by said talk. Dylan nails it with this sarcastic read, making the point that your fantasy team is to fall what your March madness bracket is to spring: everyone has one, nobody cares.
A good amount of my friends are in a fairly serious fantasy league (one I’m not in because apparently my friends don’t actually like me), and amongst those friends I’m known as a guy who knows sports and knows football (none of them have seen my picks record this season I guess). Because of this, I was asked to consult with a few guys on their draft, and I get a steady stream of ‘yo should I drop Nate Washington or Anquan Bouldin for James Jones’ texts. That’s fine, I don’t mind helping my friends out, but the fact is that nobody is impressed by your sleeper, nobody feels sorry for you about your injury, and nobody wants to flip to the Raiders game because you started Amare Cooper.
Having said that…
7. OMG I DRAFTED DEZ BRYANT AND BIG BEN 1-2 IN MY 18 TEAM LEAGUE AND WTF NOW I’M SCREWED AND (EMOJI EMOJI EMOJI) FEEL SORRY FOR ME!!!!!
9. Last week I wrapped it up and sent it into the picks talking about how nothing was over until I said it was over. I was fired up and ready to get back into it. I was making a comeback, baby. I was fired up, I had slaved over my picks, AND…actually I got freaking CRUSHED. Three and seven. 3 and 7. III and MFing VII. That brings up an interesting point. I talked about how I picked a bunch of games and pared it down to my 10 favorites, and how I put a bunch of work in. The fact is, though, that is rarely going to be the most effective way to pick. Truth be told, the faster the picks go, the better I’m likely to do. That isn’t to say research is bad, but when I’m really seeing the ball, I can usually pick out 8 or 9 winners right away, and I can slave over the last two.
10. So having struggled last week, I’m not going to lie, I’m in a hole. I’m below .500, deeper into a season than I can remember. It isn’t pretty. A lot of men would probably quit with their tail between their legs. NOT ME THOUGH. Hole keeps getting deeper? GET ME A BIGGER SHOVEL, BABY! We are digging out of this!
THE PICKS
West Virginia (+7) over Oklahoma
Texas (+15) over TCU
Virginia Tech (-5) over Pitt
Alabama (+1.5) over Georgia
Mississippi (-7.5) over Florida
Arizona State (+14) over UCLA
Notre Dame (+1.5) over Clemson
Oregon (-7.5) over Colorado
Ravens (-3) over Steelers
Panthers (-3) over Buccaneers
2-8 last week (WOOF) 12-17-1 on the year
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